mattgroaning:

what if i died in like twenty years and all i left my girlfriend was a box and like she gasps and reaches down to her chest where her key necklace hangs that i gave her twenty two years ago, and she uses it to unlock the box and all that is in there is a string which you can pull to reveal an embarrassing photo of spongebob at the christmas party

oknope:

i think my iPhone is broken.

i pressed the home button, but i’m still at school

Do you ever just see the first sentence of a text message and just think “oh fuck no I do not have time for this shit”

hungarian:

im glad dogs cant read the “no dogs allowed” signs so they dont feel sad & left out

skoeskebloesk:

remember how in Hairspray the overweight clumsy protagonist got the hot boy in the end, and the only thing about her that changed was her hairstyle? I feel like we need to talk about Hairspray more

pussyvuitton:

when I’m older and married, I’m going to clean the house in a cute maid outfit with stockings and a garter belt and bend over a lot

sosa-parks:

Nothing more awkward than putting a dish in while ya mom washing dishes

goldenfreezeover:

somethingambiguous:

tltty:

when I’m old, kids will think I’m so ancient because it’s like ‘Holy shit you were born in the nineteen hundreds’

We’ll be the last humans to be born in a year beginning with “1”

suzysils:

I think I’m going to write a book called “‘Four Hours Is Definitely Enough Sleep’ And Other Lies I Tell Myself”